My Facebook and Gmail profile name has always been under question over a period of time. The reason being the difference of names in my native and the place where I grew up. In Chennai your surname is usually your father’s first name. In Karnataka your surname is your family’s surname. So if my father’s name is Krishna Bhat, my name in Tamil Nadu would be Pavithra Krishna, whereas in Karnataka – Pavithra Bhat. Since my dad was making a living in Madras, the then Chennai, and had settled here, he filled my school forms with the Chennai way of Pavithra K. That continued in college but in the place of work you need to expand your initials and from there on I was known to my colleagues with the Krishna Surname.
With surnames it is fine but with dad’s name, I am sure all IT Tamil girls would agree to this, it feels odd at workplace addressed by clients. It is respectful to address people with their title and last name. So I would be Ms. Krishna at work. Now, just going with the name, is Krishna a Ms or Mr.? My Amsterdam client knows the names of Indian gods and he rightly e-mailed me addressing, Mr.Krishna… The first thought – There is a reason why it is known as the First name, isn’t there? How did the English fellows miss this simple funda?
I lost the track, let’s get back. So when my colleagues saw the FB name, they wondered if it was me or maybe my clone. After the above explanation they gladly added me.
It dawned on me that the most sensible screen name would be Pavithra Krishna Bhat so that all my Friend categories can relate to at least some part of it but I procrastinated so long that I even got married! Now, it wouldn’t make sense to add my father’s name; it should be my husband’s. But the Libran mind is designed to question, analyse the options, get confused, get other people confused, argue and take the other side of what they suggest, still not be fully happy with the side it takes, ponder and finally come up with a weird reason to do or not to do.
The oscillation to strike the balance is tedious process. Again you could question if the mind has struck balance, yes, for that you would receive another big explanation and you would regret questioning the insane mind.
So coming back to striking the balance with my name, I pondered. Several thoughts –
- Yes I am married and like every other woman in the world, I need to get my Husband’s name into mine. (Maybe that’s the proof that you have actually allowed him INTO you and would always do so. Gross??! 😛 ). But I do not want to lose my identity, even if I have lost, um.. er.., my heart to him (now this isn’t gross ;)). Many take pride in changing their names; the society has put in this so-called prestigious feeling into girls. Maybe the exact reason of why I shun it!
- I am one of the two princesses of a doting king (my dad of course). Even if the King’s ego doesn’t let him say this after the day I broke the news of Love Story at home, he is my Hero and I do not want to lose the identity he gave me from birth.
- Now you can question me: doesn’t the same principle apply to the person you love the most? Yes I agree but there are further more complications to it –
- I don’t like his name!! Couldn’t it have been something different (Unusual Sanskrit one) or fancy (The hippy type) or just anything other than this!! And the feeling intensifies because he himself doesn’t like his name much!
- It would be a tedious task to change the new name in all the official documents (Passport, PAN, Driving License etc. have your maiden name) or take your marriage certificate where ever you go. Also a chance for the officials to threaten you and to ask for bribe to approve your maiden name in the passport vs. a post marriage name in the ticket.
- Okay, why not include it in the name but not delete the existing surname? More options to ponder –
- How does Pavithra Bhat Ashok sound? I am Pavithra, BUT, Ashok. So am I Pavithra or am I Ashok??
- Alright, how about Pavithra Ashok Bhat? Now that is asking for separate article where my hubby would argue that his surname is not Bhat but the name looks as if his name has it.
- How about sticking to only first names and being called Pavithra Krishna Ashok? Now is that one person’s name or multiple people’s? And my clients would call me, Mr. Ashok, because Krishna is no more the last name but it is the middle name. Sorry Boss, Mr. Ashok works in a different company.
- What about the husband’s family name? You say I haven’t considered that at all. Don’t even think about it, I would rather live with his first name. I don’t want to elaborate and specify his family name lest I get thrashed at my in-laws place!!
- Last option – Drop off all names and stick only with my own first name? Again that calls for an affidavit from a Notary Public and a question from all forms that we fill day in and day out –
“Ms. Pavithra what?”
“No I meant only Pavithra”
(Irritated) “Just or Only, what’s the name?”
(Phew, back to square one)
The scales dip and raise and the mind exercise finally says, shut up and go on with your existing name. That’s best you have got. But again I think which one, School Records one or the FB one???
P.S: If only my neighbour was a Libran, what would the state of his mind be if he had to select a short name – Kanakala Venkata Shiva Satya Surya Narayana Rao. He cleverly named himself KVSSSN Rao.