Drain Bamaged!!

Inspired from Life, Love & Laughter

I want to be Chinese in my next birth…

…if at all I am reborn, that is, and as a human and as a girl. It is an irresistible offer you see. Let me list out the major perks –

First and yes this one’s my trigger, I don’t need any other perk – No or negligible body hair. Spare me from all the plucking, waxing, threading, epilating, depilating. Spare me from all the pain. Give me an extra hour to sleep before vacations. Let me laze on Sundays and not run the blade on my skin. Let me wear shorts on any day I want to. Help me get rid of the full sleeve shirts for all those lazy days.

If this one reason is not enough then here’s another. All you North Indians who ask us how in the world we eat rice every day and yet don’t look like Hulk and all you mothers who ask us not to eat the unhealthy noodles, I present you the Chinese and their staple food. They’re probably half your chapathi eating and noodles shunning self and they don’t have to hit the gym to stay slim. Just no body fat whatsoever. I most definitely want those strong genes. And those flat abs and thin legs.

I know your burning question – am I ok with almost no eyes and no boo.. er.. mmm.. well yeah, I think I can live with, I mean without, them!

If you are still not convinced dear girls, then here’s something that will make you reconsider. Post-Pregnancy body weight – what does it even mean? Have you seen Indian women in this phase? They are made to eat 2 people’s portion and by the time the kid pops out the mother finds it difficult to find clothes even in the Plus size stores. Buying cloth in Pantheon Road and getting it stitched is an easier way out. Have you seen Chinese moms? Only the belly balloon grows healthily but they don’t. Pop, the balloon bursts, the baby comes out and they are back to their gorgeous body shape. Spare me all the shopping, slimming, complaining. Spare me from all the fuss around it. Let me get into my pre-pregnancy clothes. Make me look like a 20-year old even when I am a mother of two.

There are other minor perks too like naturally straight hair, girlish ways, love for all that is glittery and shiny, and knowing a language that is most spoken in the World.

But what if by my next birth India becomes the most populous country and I get to be an Indian again?? That case let me be this same armpit scratching, nose picking, loud burping, cracked lipped me but can you just delete the body hair from my chemical properties please??

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6 responses to “I want to be Chinese in my next birth…

  1. Dhanashree January 29, 2015 at 12:10 pm

    very nice 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. shina October 2, 2015 at 7:49 pm

    Hey, that was just a stereotype you know? Asians are not hairless, let me repeat. Asians are not hairless. Well, we have dark hair and that means your body hair will be really dark and obvious. Probably you have seen Asians without body hair but if you look closer, we do have body hair. You might be one of the unlucky ones to inherit hairy genes, like me. Sad life. But your friends most likely wouldn’t outcast you but instead will make fun of you. It’s actually nothing bad if you get used to it since they are just playing around. And we are not skinny with abs or whatever. Sure we are slimmer compared to Caucasians, but not all Asians have flat tummies and abs. All you have seen is just from celebreities and such. If we do not work out, we will not get a flat tummy either. The Asian celebrities definitely worked out to obtain the results. And of course I like Asia much better than countires like America and such. There is stricter education and child-upbringing which means lesser bullying in school. And we aren’t that open-minded. We don’t really flirt around and get friendly with a stranger.

    Like

    • Pavithra K Bhat October 2, 2015 at 8:00 pm

      Hey Shina, this was written on a lighter note but definitely not by just seeing Asian celebrities. I work with 40 Chinese colleagues and most of them aren’t even aware of the different ways of hair removal! One was even amazed to know about waxing!! Yeah not all are hairless, the ones who do mostly have skin coloured hair!
      And hardly 1 or 2 out of 40 are stout. Rest are all slim and specially the girls and women don’t have time for gym. They are busy with work, children and home. Yet have model like bodies!!
      I’m not complaining or jealous; the write up is just a compliment to the Chinese (not all Asians) genes!

      Like

  3. Ash January 31, 2017 at 3:24 am

    That’s a awesome write up Pavi! I should say you stole all the words from my heart. I have been wondering about the same feeling for hair through out the body and so true that time flies on the weekend for just removing hair everywhere and checking again and again if I still have left any other place to remove, to wear shorts or frock gotta think twice and plan to wear immediately after the weekend so that the hair is not visible. I have not noticed about Asians so much but I do know that they are way too slim and have a healthy skin also they always do their nails with all various designs from google for nail art, which looks amazing on them.

    Liked by 1 person

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